I forgot how much I loved writing

It’s been too long since I’ve written, here on Medium, or anywhere really. They always said writing, poetry, and the rest was really something that came to people in moments of pain.

Well, I can assure you that’s abso-fucking-lutely wrong because I’m going through some god damn pain right now and writing was definitely NOT the first thing on my mind.

Life has been… unkind lately. To put it simply. My girlfriend of 3.5 years said goodbye over the phone, my app is two weeks late to launch, and I sometimes feel like an abject failure who can’t tell his head from his ass.

But time goes on, life moves on, and you pick yourself up and give yourself second chances. I just wiped every trace of my girlfriend off of my social media today. Not the old pictures, they’re there and the memories will stay, but any mention or any “follow” of her- anywhere.

Sometimes you have to lose things to appreciate them. But also to realize that maybe the toughest decisions are sometimes the right ones. Right now I’m convinced love doesn’t exist.

How can it?

After the years of effort, the trust, and pain and happiness we went through together, the promises we made, hushed whispers and loud screams, how could someone turn around and walk out of your life like that- like none of it ever truly mattered.

Well, a. because NONE of it did matter. That’s life and the sooner we come to terms with that the better. I guess I always knew this but desperately hoped for it not to be true- all you ever have is yourself. You are the only person you can ever count on, and if you don’t fucking like yourself that’s about to be a nightmare because guess who you’re stuck with for… the rest of your life?

Short of killing yourself, in which case I guess you’re unstuck, it’s just you.

It’s just you and it will always be you.

Tum hi ho (which is a great song, possibly my next tattoo, and that very phrase^ just in Hindi).

I guess that’s just my mantra for the next few weeks, few months and honestly how ever long it takes to get over her. To get back to knowing myself, and being okay with things ending. Life is just a series of endings, and knowing how to manage them is going to determine whether you make it out happy or you turn into a miserable little shit.

I write this now but I also know at some point this week I’ll be a pathetic little kid watching Taylor Swift videos and crying into his own shirt, choking on my own snot and generally wanting to die. BUT for now, writing, it seems, gives resolve.

Honestly, and I’ll end with this- fuck you C. It’s not an angry fuck you, mind you, I’m trying to not be bitter and upset, but rather just a general- FUCK you. I’ll find someone better, not anytime soon, but I have faith I will. Time is the only sure thing, other than yourself I guess, but man I didn’t want to hear that for the first week after it happened.

Anyways, back to coding for me. I’ll have to do a series of posts on tonebase development (my company) sometime. Add that to the massive list of things I should do but haven’t gotten around to (Alexa skill, LOL… Messenger bot… lmfao).

Abhi’s back to this writing shit and hopefully this dude can be a bit more consistent this time.

Peace the fuck out Medium.